The Long Work of Trust
What does healing require when trust has been broken?
Love,
This past weekend was farm tour weekend, so a bunch of local farms opened up for the community to visit and learn about what they do. As a farm girl at heart, it was such an exciting weekend, and it filled me with so much joy and peace.
On Friday, my mom took the boys to see a few farms, and on Saturday we all went to another one together. We got there a little ahead of schedule, so we pulled into the small cemetery next door and waited for a few minutes before driving over to the farm.
The farm we visited that day is part of the community-grown food network. It was so beautiful, and I just loved everything about the idea behind it. I took some photos for you to see. My dad asked if I’d volunteer with him there next season, and I’m really looking forward to it.
One of the farms my mom took the boys to on Friday is known for its goats. She sent me the cutest videos of the boys playing with them. They even brought home some goat milk ice cream. I’m not a big fan of goat’s milk, but I gave it a try. It wasn’t bad, just had that distinctive goat flavor I’m still not used to. For some reason, it made me think of a photo my parents recently put up on one of their new bookshelves. It’s an old picture of me with a milk mustache, and it always reminds me of that Got Milk? campaign.
This morning while I was making coffee, the song Communication by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones came to mind. Honestly, I don’t always know who to trust anymore. So much has happened, and while I want to see the good in people, it’s hard when I’ve been hurt by those I thought were friends. And though I’ve forgiven everyone, I also feel the Lord reminding me that wisdom means setting healthy boundaries too. I need to learn how to love people but not lose myself in the process.
As much as I talk about being fearless, I still have my own struggles, and I need your help. Actions will always speak louder than words. You know where to find me. So if you truly believe you’re meant to be here, then come and show me. It’s okay if we don’t have all the answers right now. We can figure things out together, one step at a time…I started singing that Jordin Sparks song when I wrote that lol. But please understand that I will only make room in my life for a righteous man who honors law and order and seeks God with his whole heart. If that’s not who you are, please don’t waste your time or mine.
When we flew here, one of our bags got lost. And I gave my number to the airline staff so they could reach me if they found it. Thankfully they did, and they shipped it here a few days later. Praise God for that! But somehow, my number ended up in their system, and now I get calls day and night from people who think I work for Alaska Airlines. I’m still trying to get that sorted out, so for now I’ve been ignoring or declining any calls from numbers I don’t recognize or calls I’m not expecting.
I haven’t really been keeping up with the government shutdown situation, but my sister has been sending us updates since she works over there. It sounds like such a difficult situation for so many people. She mentioned recently that she’s looking forward to the day she can retire and move here too. I can’t wait either because having her here with us would be such a blessing.
I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before, but I was reminded today that ignorance isn’t malice, even though the enemy loves to twist it to look that way. Scripture says God’s people perish for lack of knowledge, and I can see that. I understand the complexities of this situation. There’s been so much confusion on both sides and the attacks coming from every direction. Please know that I hold nothing against you, and I pray we don’t let any of this stand in the way of the blessings God has for us.
This afternoon we watched The Three Billy Goats Gruff. I also came across something connected to American Horror Stories. I’ve never seen it and don’t really know much about it, but it feels like God might be highlighting it for a reason. Emma by Jane Austen also came to mind, and kind of random but that pink character Kirby too. Would you please pray and see if the Lord gives you any insight about these?
We went for a walk with my mom this morning, and she was telling me about a couple in the neighborhood who help with a golden retriever rescue organization in Portland. They’ve been working with a dog who has some behavioral challenges, and they’re hoping that after some time and training, he’ll be ready for a good home. My mom doesn’t know his full story, but it sounds like he may have been mistreated as a puppy and still struggles to trust people, especially men. It was really heartbreaking to hear, but I’m so thankful there are people patient and kind enough to help him heal.
The boys and I went to the beach to throw rocks before one of the parties this weekend. I was thinking of you and took a photo to share. I can’t wait for the day we can enjoy simple moments like that together.
Never forget the greatness that’s inside you, but always remember that I love you just as you are. No matter what happens, you’ll be in my heart. And until we are together, my heart will go on.
With love, Jeanie
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5-6