Hi Love,
You’ve been on my heart a lot lately. I’ve found myself thinking about you more than usual and just hoping you’re doing okay. I wanted to write to you to share a little from the past and also some thoughts I’ve been having about the future.
My first love was a man with what seemed like two faces. One was caring and wonderful, and the other dark and destructive. The oscillations between good and evil felt like living inside a story somewhere between The Phantom of the Opera and Beauty and the Beast. I felt caught between hope and heartbreak, and for nine years I wrestled with the weight of it all. And then one day God told me it was time to let go, and it was the hardest, most soul-wrenching decision I’ve ever made.
God then led me to another man, and I followed His leading. My only intentions were to love and offer what healing I could. But in return, I was ignored, rejected, and mocked. It wasn’t what I expected, and it wasn’t easy.
One night I was reflecting on everything, feeling like a complete failure...I felt like a fool for how things had unfolded, and I didn’t know what to do next. I asked God, “What is happening? Why are you doing this to me?” And He immediately reminded me that my obedience matters more than their response. That faithfulness isn’t about being understood or accepted, but about loving anyway. That there’s purpose in everything, even if I don’t understand. And then He said something that pierced straight through me. He said, “I’m allowing this so you can learn how to love...how I love. Because that’s the purpose of life.”
As soon as I heard those words, a flood of emotion washed over me, and the tears came quickly. Because suddenly, I saw it. How many times have I done the same to God? How often have I let distractions or sin come between us? How many times has He pursued me, only for me to turn away, ignore His voice, or choose my own way instead of His? And yet...He loves me still. He never gives up on me. He never lets me go.
We’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But no matter how far we’ve wandered or how deep into sin we’ve gone, His love for us never changes. Even in the moments when He feels distant, He hasn’t gone anywhere. His hand is still there, reaching out, waiting for us to turn back. And as so wonderfully said here, what He longs for most is a relationship with each one of us.
God loves people like us, and it only takes one moment with Jesus for everything to shift. The cross changes everything, for in Christ alone our hope is found. And in an instant, we can feel His presence again, be wrapped in His protection, and receive the blessings that come from being close to Him.
There have been seasons in my life when I ignored God’s leading or chose my own way instead of His. Sometimes it was out of fear, weakness, or simply not knowing better. And other times, it was because I didn’t want to let go of what would be required of me. So I clung to what felt familiar, even if it wasn’t His will. And in doing so, I traded His blessings for temporary comfort or control.
But I’ve come to learn that His ways are always better. Far better than anything we could dream or plan for ourselves. He is a good, good Father who longs to care for His children, to bless us, to heal us, and to guide us into the life He designed for us. We don’t have to earn it. We just have to turn back, and He welcomes us with open arms.
And when we turn back to Him, we are met with love. In the old covenant, the laws given through Moses focused on outward rituals and regulations. But through Jesus, God revealed that He was really after our hearts all along. So in the new covenant, love became the fulfillment of the law.
As Romans 13:10 says, "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Jesus made it simple: Love God. Love people. All the law and the prophets hang on those two things (Matthew 22:37–40). So when we’re walking with Him, obedience flows not from obligation, but from love.
I know this situation is incredibly hard. It’s breaking me inside. But you mean so much to me, and I’d die for you if that’s what it came to. Because Heaven without you...it just wouldn’t be the same. Our time on Earth is so short, but where our soul goes is forever. And if all I ever got to be was something to someone, even for a moment, then I’m grateful.
Sometimes in this life, we have to surrender what we want now in order to become who we were meant to be — people of Heaven, not just Earth. I know we tried to be so many things, but in the end, He’s the one who leads us to our true place in this world. I want to live a life worth dying. And as Jesus said in John 15:13, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
Thank you for letting me love you. If I never knew you, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, and that’s something I’ll never forget. You challenged me to grow, to stretch beyond what I thought I was capable of, and to love with a deeper kind of strength. I’m so thankful for the wisdom you shared, the lessons you taught me (both spoken and unspoken) and the memories we created along the way. Your presence shaped me in ways I’ll carry with me always.
I really appreciated this perspective on the fear of God. Because when we truly walk with Him, even death is nothing to fear. In many ways, it’s just like another season of change. Yes, we grieve the relationships and moments we leave behind, but every new season brings its own beauty and blessing. And stepping into Heaven? That’s the greatest upgrade of all. It’s why Paul wrote in Philippians 1:21, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” When we understand that God is love, His presence replaces fear with peace, and death becomes a doorway into everlasting life.
While we’re apart, my only request is that you share our story. And walk boldly in the power of the Holy Spirit that God has placed within you. I know it’s there. I’ve seen it, and I believe in who you’re becoming. It only took one encounter with Jesus for Saul to become Paul, a man once lost who became one of the boldest apostles the world has ever known. That same power is alive in you. And one day, you’ll teach the boys to walk in it too. All our dreams can still come true.
There is so much power and strength within you when you’re filled with the Holy Spirit. And I believe with all my heart that God is going to use you in mighty ways. But it begins with surrender. It begins with trusting Him fully, even when the path doesn’t make sense. Trust His timing and process. His ways are always higher than ours, even when it feels like things are falling apart. Sometimes it really does have to get harder before it gets better. But none of it is wasted. Everything you’ve been going through has been preparing you for this moment. You were made for more, and God is not done writing your story.
This calling...it’s bigger than us. It’s about God’s kingdom and the generations still to come. I can’t do this without you. You are the fiercest warrior I know. I’ll never forget that it was you who taught me that we are the fighters, and we don’t give up. And now you need to show your brothers how to do the same. You know I’ll always be your biggest fan, no matter how far apart we are.
Please don’t lose sight of the future. With time, God can turn anything around. Don’t give up in the middle of the trial and miss out on the blessings He’s preparing for you. Hold on. It will all work out in the end, and if it hasn’t yet, then it’s not the end. God makes all things beautiful in His time, and His promises never fail. There is still so much hope ahead for all of us.
Don’t forget to be patient and kind to yourself. It’s important to practice self-love too. Not the self-centered kind the world often promotes, but the kind that’s rooted in truth. The kind that keeps reminding you of who you truly are in God’s eyes as someone chosen, cherished, and redeemed. Because how can we love others as ourselves...if we don’t truly love ourselves?
I found this interview on shame really valuable, and I thought you might too. The enemy tries to keep us bound to the shame of our sin, but remember that we are overcomers. And as overcomers, we unlock a deeper level of spiritual authority. That’s why God presented Job to Satan. God knew Job would endure. He knew the testing would refine him, not destroy him. And in the same way, God sees the strength He’s placed in each of us, even when we can’t see it ourselves. He allows the pressure not to crush us, but to draw out the overcomer within. And as Revelation 21:7 says, “He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.” You were born to overcome. So keep fighting, because your victory means more than you realize.
I don’t know if I ever told you this, but when I was growing up, my dad used to call me Peaches. And on those nights when you are feeling a bit lonely, watch my favorite movie and think of us together (and also this song). Oh I just remembered a presentation I did in school years ago...anyway, you can ask my mom about it when the time comes.
Please don’t give up on me. No matter how things look, don’t let go because I need your love. Even if it feels like a journey to the past, keep believing. I watched this last night and it reminded me how everything can shift in an instant, and it gave me hope. It’s going to be okay, as long as we have each other. You have the sharpest mind of anyone I’ve ever known. And if you stay close to God, He will make you the wisest man in the world. Trust your instincts and follow His directions exactly, no matter how hard. His kingdom come, His will be done.
Nothing hurts like you, but when the river flows hold on to hope. You never know what’s just around the riverbend, and don’t doubt any detail of what God has promised you. It may seem like the story is over, but one day we might just wake up in love together. Because as Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
For those moments when doubt tries to creep in, remember the rainbow — the symbol of God’s promise and His faithfulness through every storm. Somewhere over the rainbow, when pride has been surrendered and hearts are made whole, we’ll be together again.
I’m incredibly grateful for all the experiences God has given me in this life. Each one has shaped me. And if I’ve learned how to truly love, then I believe I’ve lived a full life. As said so beautifully in Moulin Rouge, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” And I believe that kind of love (real, sacrificial, God-shaped, biblical love) is what life is really all about.
I’m beginning to wonder if the most powerful truth in all of Scripture is this: Perfect love casts out all fear. Because if we truly grasped that kind of love, it would change everything.
I love you.
Jeanie
P.S. One thing I’ve come to know about spiritual warfare is that sometimes you have to provoke the demons, so they come out of hiding and present themselves. Using discernment, you can then take your fiery sword of truth and slay them with the authority God has given you. So, inspired by the fearless spirit of a favorite childhood heroine who never backed down…Satan, I see you. I see exactly what you’re trying to do, and I will not stay silent any longer. By the power in the blood of Jesus Christ, it’s time to let My people go. You’re going to have to start trying to count em’. Because God is getting ready to do a big thing, and nothing will be able to stop what He’s about to do. Don’t think you can mess with children of God without consequences. Watch as the fire of God falls and the fear of the Lord returns to the nations. Praise God, and all glory to the Most High!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5-6