Diving into Uncharted Waters
What are you willing to risk for real love?
Love,
As I was driving to the ferry this week, I felt the Lord put a few things on my heart that I need to share with you. Some of what I’ll be saying in the near future may take a lot of faith. And before I do, I just want to remind you that there’s no reason to be afraid. God has a plan. He is fighting for us, even when we don’t yet understand how it’s all going to come together.
I know you already understand this, but I want to write it here anyway (mostly as a reminder and a comfort to both of us). Prophetic words rarely unfold on our timeline. They’re often given to prepare God’s people, and to give us insight and perspective about what’s ahead. Sometimes there’s an immediate layer to them, and other times they make more sense later on. That’s why it helps to hold them with patience and read them through that lens, trusting God with the timing.
Sharing these kinds of words doesn’t bring me any pleasure, and honestly it’s been emotional for me. There are moments when I have to say things I wouldn’t choose to say on my own. But obedience matters, and I want to remain faithful to what God is asking. He shows no partiality, and I’m called to do the same. I’m trusting that there is purpose and fruit in what is spoken, and holding on to the hope of His greater plan, even when it’s hard.
There’s no need to be stressed or anxious about any of this. God will guide your thoughts and your steps. He’ll give clear direction on how to proceed wisely and how to protect yourself, our family, and His people.
On the ferry, they often put out jigsaw puzzles for people to work on while they pass the time. This time there were a few different holiday puzzles laid out. I noticed how hard it is to step into a puzzle you haven’t been working on yourself. It takes a little time to understand the pieces and get a feel for how everything fits together.
We also spent some time walking around the ferry and ended up chatting briefly with a group of nuns who were having breakfast. They were so kind and sweet. Nearby, there was a giant inflatable snowman that our youngest loved, and right next to it was a pig with wings (like an angel) wearing a Santa hat. It struck me as a little strange for a Christmas display, especially placed right alongside the snowman.
The neighborhood we live in is filled with some of the kindest and most generous people I’ve ever met. A few months ago, a woman nearby gave me two leather loveseats for free, which we’ve been using in the garage. They’re incredibly comfortable, and I’m really looking forward to using them once we move into our own place. Someone else also gave us a nearly brand-new playpen they weren’t using, so now we have two, one of which we keep at my parents’ house in case the boys ever need to nap there.
And just a couple of weeks ago, I stepped outside our front door and found that a woman down the road had dropped off two baby Christmas trees for us. Later, she came back with extra lights and some hot chocolate for the boys. It was so thoughtful and unexpected. We truly love this neighborhood. The sense of community here is real, and it’s been a special reminder of how God provides through community.
While I’m deeply grateful that God has blessed me with the ability to have children (and I hope He may bless me with more in the future) right now I need to focus on securing the boys’ future and working on some other things He has placed on my heart. So for this next season of my life, that simply isn’t a priority.
Last week, our next-door neighbor gave me a beautiful poinsettia along with a large soup pot. I was especially excited about the pot, because I enjoy making soup. But right now I’m actually using it to make recycled paper for one of my new projects (I can explain more about that later). She mentioned that it was a pot they used to cook crab on their boat and that they no longer needed it. It was very kind of her to pass it along to me.
I learned something about poinsettias a few weeks ago that really stuck with me. A poinsettia can be completely healthy and still stay green if it’s in the wrong environment. The red color only appears when the plant experiences a very specific rhythm (long, uninterrupted periods of darkness each night, over several weeks). Without that, nothing is actually wrong with the plant; it just doesn’t change. But once it’s in the right conditions, something that was already inside of it is activated, and it transforms. Same plant, same potential — just a different outcome, shaped entirely by timing and environment.
A couple of nights ago, we heard that someone’s dog had run away and was lost, which was heartbreaking. My mom and I stayed up praying, and my dad took the car to go look for him. It was raining, and he’s an older dog with mobility issues, so the situation was especially sad. Thankfully, someone found him and he was taken to an emergency vet off the island last night. We’re praying he’s doing well.
We’ve had an experience before where a gate was left open and our two male dogs ran off together and got lost, so I know how terrifying that feeling is. I felt such deep sadness for them, knowing how helpless and worried they must have been.
The weather over the past few days has been incredibly windy, with lots of rain, and branches have been falling all over the roads and our driveway. My mom and our youngest spent part of the morning picking up sticks together. My dad gives the boys a dollar each time they fill a bucket with pinecones, sticks, or branches, and also when he and our oldest go to dump the trash on the weekends. Both of them have piggy banks full of money from Grandpa for helping out around the house and doing little chores.
We were actually really blessed to be able to get off the island this week. The ferries have been limited because of the weather, so it wasn’t something we took for granted. We’re especially thankful that my dad is able to fly us if needed. He often helps friends and neighbors that way, and he also serves as a mercy pilot.
Anyway, back to our time on the ferry. At one point we sat down and couldn’t help but overhear an interesting conversation a few older gentlemen were having. They were talking about marriage and relationships, and one of the men said something that really stood out to me. He said that no amount of physical intimacy would ever make him want a relationship if it cost him his peace. I was a little surprised by how openly he said it, especially on a ferry, but I understood exactly what he meant. Peace and serenity matter more than people often realize.
It made me reflect on how the things we’re often uncomfortable talking about are sometimes the very things we need to talk about. And once we do, we realize we’re not as alone in those thoughts as we might have believed. Others feel the same way too.
For women who hold physical intimacy as something sacred, I’ll add this...from a woman’s perspective, emotional safety matters deeply. If there isn’t care, consistency, and effort to create that safety, it’s unrealistic to expect physical intimacy to flow naturally. A woman needs to feel secure in her heart before she can truly open herself, both emotionally and physically.
This is true in childbirth as well, which is one reason many women feel more comfortable giving birth at home. There are times when a woman is laboring beautifully in a familiar, safe environment, and then everything shifts once she enters a space that feels cold, sterile, or unfamiliar. When the sense of safety changes, labor can slow down or stall — not because something is wrong, but because the body responds to its surroundings.
With all of that in mind, this really shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering everything I’ve walked through and how often my kindness has been overlooked. All I’ve ever tried to do is stand with you and fight for the promises God has placed on your life.
Over the past few months, I’ve found myself wondering whether you may have spoken with others about me in ways that influenced the words you’ve shared. I know I could be wrong, and I’m truly sorry if that’s the case. But I want to be honest about where I am. This season has left me feeling really guarded, and my trust has been impacted more than I ever expected. Honesty matters deeply to me, and without it, I’m not able to maintain closeness or continue relationships in a healthy way. I need openness and truth in the people I allow into my life.
Because of what I’ve experienced, indirect communication feels manipulative to me, even if that isn’t the intention.
I need someone who isn’t ashamed to stand with me, and who will defend and support me the same way I would for him.
I’ve tried to be as clear as I can in these letters about what I’m hearing from God, and right now it feels like we may not be on the same page.
At this point, there aren’t any men from my past or present that I truly trust or feel safe with. I’ve also come to accept that you may not be interested, or that you may have chosen a different path. Because of that, I believe God is leading me to move forward and let go.
Are there men who truly value unconditional love? Lately, I’ve started to notice a pattern where the woman who consistently shows up with care, patience, and support is the one who ends up being overlooked or placed last. It makes me wonder if some men assume that kind of love will always be there, no matter how they treat it, and feel free to set it aside while they search for something they think might be “better.”
I’m asking this not just for myself, but for all my sisters in Christ whose kindness and faithfulness are so often taken for granted in today’s culture.
It’s become clear to me that I’ve developed a deep distrust of men, and I want to be honest about that. Anyone who desires to be close to me needs to understand that earning my trust will take time and consistency. My capacity for unconditional love hasn’t disappeared, but it will only be offered to someone who truly shows up, who is present, faithful, and willing to stand with me. I can no longer give that kind of love to someone who treats commitment as optional or keeps one foot out the door.
If you are Love, you will know what to do. And if you’re not in a place to do that, then please understand that any letters moving forward are not meant for you.
For this next season, I won’t be initiating communication with men, and I won’t be responding to messages either.
I’ve been reflecting on the tension I see between the idea of trusting God’s leading and the way His provision is sometimes received. You’ve shared that you value the idea of an arranged marriage, yet there seems to be a pattern of rejecting the women God may be placing in your path because they don’t align with certain personal expectations. I can’t help but wonder how many others may have been dismissed along the way.
What troubles me most isn’t rejection itself, but the lack of care in how it has been handled, especially toward those who were simply trying to be faithful to what they believed God was asking of them. I can feel God’s anger as I write this. Scripture is clear that how we treat others matters deeply to God, and I believe this is an area that deserves honest reflection and change, for everyone’s sake.
It’s important to be mindful of what we ask of God, because He hears every detail and weighs the intentions of our hearts. Words spoken out of pride, misunderstanding, or unresolved emotion can have unintended consequences, even for ourselves. As Proverbs 26:2 states, “Like a flitting sparrow, like a flying swallow, So a curse without cause shall not alight.”
God protects those who walk blamelessly before Him. That’s why using Scripture to harm, accuse, or confuse others is something we should be very careful about. His Word is meant to bring light, truth, and repentance. It should never be used to bring division. I believe it’s wise for all of us to slow down, weigh our words prayerfully, and seek the Lord with humility, asking Him to search our hearts so we can remain blameless before Him.
If there had been honesty from the beginning, I believe we could have reached understanding by now and moved forward in peace. But when truth is withheld, it has a way of eventually coming to light.
As those who carry prophetic voices, we have to be especially careful not to use words in ways that confuse, influence, or entangle others for personal desire or unmet needs. Our words carry weight, and they shape people’s lives. It’s worth honestly examining how our words and actions may be affecting those around us.
How many women may be left in a place of spiritual or emotional limbo because of the way you engage with them? Is it possible that your actions are unintentionally keeping women from moving forward into the relationships God has prepared for them? And even more concerning, this could include women who are already married. This may not have been your intention, but it’s important to be aware that this is taking place.
The name Aaron (or possibly Erin) has been highlighted to me over the past few days. Would you please pray about this? The only association I can place it with right now is Erin Bergstein (or something similar), who was Craig’s “assistant”, though it was really just him. It also brought to mind Zara Battenberg and Kaitie.
I’ve had a few dreams that I later realized were prophetic, but it’s not the primary way God speaks to me. I don’t really consider myself a seer or a dreamer, at least not at this point. When it comes to dreams, I tend to be cautious and don’t rely on them unless I receive confirmation elsewhere.
When we’re asleep, we’re in a very vulnerable state, and I think that can make dreams harder to discern. Unlike a vision, it’s often difficult to tell what’s truly from God and what might simply be our own imagination. I’ve had plenty of dreams that were clearly not from Him, so I usually don’t put much weight on them. That said, I do know God can and does speak clearly through dreams. I’m just not fully confident in that area yet, but maybe it’s something He’ll grow in me over time.
I’ve also been learning over the past few months that sometimes God allows us to sit with certain possibilities or scenarios. It’s not always because they’re meant to happen exactly as we imagine, but because they can be tests of our heart. He’s often more interested in how we respond, and whether we can be trusted with the plans He’s preparing for us in the future.
Even if you felt in your heart that they weren’t meant to be your wife, they still could have been moments God was using to test how you would treat someone placed in your life. In those situations, responding with respect and kindness is still important. And just because you didn’t see them as your wife at the time doesn’t mean they couldn’t have become important later on, whether as a future spouse or simply someone God intended to be part of your story. How we handle people matters, even when the outcome isn’t clear.
I am seeking God daily and doing my best to remain attentive to Him in every moment. I trust that whatever is spoken through me is something He is allowing and using for His purposes. But I do feel the need to be clear about this, and I ask that it be taken seriously. Going forward, there will be consequences for any individuals who use my voice, my words, or my identity as their own in any way without God’s approval.
Over the past few days, I’ve noticed I’ve been mixing up the boys’ names, which is interesting to me because I’ve never really done that before.
I understand that my writing may not make me very popular right now. I’m sharing what I’m sharing out of obedience to God, not for approval.
I’ve also been reflecting on how important it is for all of us to take responsibility for our own choices and actions. Growth requires maturity, honesty, and a willingness to look inward rather than deflect blame onto others. While our culture often excuses prolonged immaturity, real transformation comes when we choose accountability and personal responsibility.
I believe we’re all better served by focusing on becoming healthier, wiser versions of ourselves instead of engaging in gossip or speculation about others. Gossip often leads us to speak on things we don’t fully understand, and it rarely produces truth, clarity, or peace.
Yesterday, I began working on a plan to wrap up these letters and bring everything together. I’m hoping to complete that by the end of the year, or shortly after. My heart is really set on entering the new year with space to step into the new things God has been placing on my heart.
I may still write a letter from time to time, but it will no longer be my main focus. This next season feels like an invitation to turn my attention more fully toward my family, to spend deeper, more intimate time with God, and to grow intentionally in a few specific areas He’s been highlighting for me.
Remember, everything will work out in the end. And if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it simply isn’t the end. There’s just more work to be done along the way.
Sometimes what we’re looking for is already right in front of us, we just need to slow down, dig a little deeper, or look at things with fresh eyes.
And just so you know, I may seem like a damsel at times, but with the joy of the Lord I’m never in distress. There’s truly no need to worry about me.
No matter what we’ve been through, we all have a choice in whether we stay in a victim mindset or move forward from it. And choosing not to live with a victim mentality doesn’t mean we weren’t hurt, or that we weren’t victims at some point. It just means we’ve done the work to heal.
When you stay grounded in who you are in Christ and allow Him to restore what’s been wounded, you start to recognize the strength He’s placed within you. From that place, you don’t feel powerless anymore. You feel resilient and confident in a way that changes how you move through the world.
I recently learned something fascinating about caterpillars. Inside a caterpillar are these “butterfly cells” from the very beginning. When metamorphosis starts, the caterpillar’s body begins to break down, and at first its own system even attacks those butterfly cells like they don’t belong. But they survive, multiply, and eventually take over, using what used to be the caterpillar to build the butterfly. So there’s this moment where the old identity resists the new one, but the transformation only happens when the old structure gives way to what was always meant to emerge.
Our God is a God of fire, judgment, and justice, but He is also a God of peace, healing, and hope. I will never stop fighting for your breakthrough. And praying God blesses you in this next season — physically, emotionally, relationally, financially, and in every area of your life.
Last summer, I found myself thinking a lot about how Scripture describes Satan standing before God as an accuser, trying to keep God’s children bound by shame, fear, or false judgments. And that led me to a deeper question: who is standing before God holding people who operate as children of Satan accountable for their sins? And in that moment, I felt God calling me to volunteer.
I encourage everyone to take time to examine their hearts before God and to turn back to Him where needed. Any correction or judgment belongs to God alone. My role is simply to speak faithfully and leave the outcome in God’s hands.
I’m also seeking a small group of men who feel called to stand with me in this mission. If you know any that might be qualified and approved by God, please share this message with them.
And please understand that I won’t be communicating directly with any men. I’m asking that no one attempt to contact me. We need to do this in the Spirit. I’ll continue to share any instruction or revelation God gives me, but at this time I’m trusting the boys to step forward and take the lead.
Also, I found these videos helpful: Have you ever wondered why Satan didn’t go after Adam first? How witchcraft gets into churches. Why do we turn to God at our lowest? Why Nazi guards refused to enter cellblock 28. Single men, it’s time to grow up. Your kids shouldn’t hold your marriage together. This isn’t failure. It’s FATHERHOOD. My wife made me face myself. The Holy Spirit Showed Me THIS about Erika Kirk’s JD Vance Announcement.
Stand firm in truth, walk in love, and let God do the rest.
With love, Jeanie
P.S. The boys picked out the cutest Minnie Mouse card for me for my birthday. A few days ago, my sister set up Disney accounts for our whole family, and the avatar she chose for me was Minnie Mouse as well. She told me she put a lot of thought into choosing everyone’s avatars, which I found really sweet and interesting. So I watched this video on the evolution of Minnie Mouse, and it struck me how even our most beloved characters change over time. Just like people, they grow and transform from season to season, while still holding onto the heart of who they are.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5-6