Dethroning the Queen of Darkness

What is the fire of God awakening?

Love,

During nap time today, we went over to my parents’ house for a bit since the bunkhouse is just a studio. Every time I’m there, I’m drawn to vacuum their whole place. My mom has this really nice, lightweight cordless vacuum with a little green light. And there’s something oddly satisfying about watching all the dust, dirt, and pet hair disappear. It feels almost therapeutic in a way. I think part of what makes it so relaxing is that it’s the kind of mindless work where you can just let your thoughts wander, listen to worship music or a podcast, or spend the time praying and talking with God.

We stopped by the fall festival at church this evening, and one of my dad’s friends commented that I looked young enough to be the boys’ older sister. I’m not sure I’d go that far, but that was really kind of him to say.

Our oldest won a round of bingo and got to pick a prize from the table. He chose a skateboard helmet and pads, and I said, “Are you sure? We don’t even have a skateboard.” He just smiled and said, “It’s okay, Mama! We’ll get one.” He’s so cute. He wore them around all night when we got home and was just so excited.

I had a conference with his teacher yesterday, and she was telling me how wonderful he is at school. She said he’s the perfect student. All the faculty and kids love him. She said he’s excelling in every subject, especially math. He’s so detail-oriented and meticulous, always wanting to do his best and please his teacher. As she was describing him, I couldn’t help but think he’d make an excellent hall monitor one day. The apple definitely doesn’t fall far from the tree!

I was thinking today about how different I probably seem in person compared to how I come across in my writing. Most people know me as pretty quiet, reserved, and gentle-spirited, so I can see how my writing might catch some people off guard. Just to clear that up, everything I write comes from my own heart and the inspiration God gives me. There’s no one else helping me, just Him guiding the words.

If you’re wondering why I might seem or sound a little different now, it’s because I spent nine years living with someone who was like a dragon — who was also intelligent, confident, and charismatic enough to become whoever he needed to be to get whatever he wanted. And during that time, I had to develop sharp discernment and learn how to fight just to survive. I was refined in the fire, and for better or worse, some of that fire has stayed with me.

Since the middle of March, when all the shenanigans seemed to start, I’ve been hoping people would do the right thing and tell the truth. But when a gang of people gossip behind my back, spread lies, attempt to assassinate my character, and try to separate me from my boys (when all I’ve done is remain obedient to God), I won’t stay quiet. I will speak up and fight for them and their future.

The other day I got a notification from the Bible app with Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things.” That verse always reminds me of my sorority, Pi Phi, because we would recite it at every chapter meeting. It’s a really good one and something I believe we should all keep striving toward.

I remember one year we had an event where we met up with some of the older Pi Phi ladies from the area, and one of them was so kind and gave me a beautiful angel ornament. The angel is an unofficial symbol of the sorority, and I’ve kept it with me all these years.

The song “What Is This Feeling?” from Wicked really stood out to me yesterday, and it made me think back to my college days. I started remembering my roommates, Stephanie and Kaitlin, and how much I truly enjoyed living with them. They were always so kind, and the first and only people from Stanford I felt comfortable reaching out to when I was finally able to reconnect with friends from that season of my life.

After we graduated, I lived in San Francisco for a little while with Melissa and Lindsey, who were both in my sorority. I ended up moving out after only a few months though, because I got a job back in Palo Alto, but also because things with Lindsey became really difficult. I felt very disrespected and spiritually attacked. At the time, I didn’t have the discernment to fully understand what was happening, but looking back I can see I was facing some strong spiritual resistance (Jezebel and others). Can you please pray for her? I would love to see her set free from any control those spirits may have on her.

Before I moved out, my family and I spent the holidays in Australia. I remember praying while I was there, asking God to help me find another place to live because I really wanted to move out. Just a few days later, a room opened up in another house with some friends from Stanford. I was so relieved and grateful for the immediate answer to prayer.

A few months later, I met Craig at church in Menlo Park. I’m starting to think Jezebel was really trying to follow me. But praise God, because He’s used those experiences to strengthen my discernment and deepen my trust in Him. I know I am in His full protection and unstoppable now!

The situation with the birth certificates has been really discouraging. Because the mother is listed as Nicole Smith (born October 1, 1994), I’m required to have a lawyer just to order a copy. And then I’ll need a court order to have it corrected. The difficult part is that Nicole Smith isn’t even a real person. He’s created different identities for different purposes and somehow managed to get them entered into the system. Other than what’s on the birth certificate and with the midwives, I’ve never gone by that name and don’t have any identification that matches it. He once had me legally change my name to Chiara, but I’ve since changed it back to my birth name.

I’m not even sure what name the father is listed as on the certificate, possibly Greg. He’s legally changed his name more times than I can remember, so I truly don’t know.

I believe the child’s name is listed as William Smith. When he was born, God placed the name William on my heart, though we’ve never actually called him that. So I’ve been trying to figure out what to put on the birth certificate once we’re able to get it corrected. I’ve been thinking a double middle name might be a good option, so he can still go by his nickname while keeping the name God gave him.

I also realized I might be searching for a birth certificate that doesn’t even exist in Oregon, since he once mentioned possibly filing for one in California or another state. There’s still a lot to sort through and understand. In the meantime, if anyone is claiming to be Nicole Smith, please stop and repent.

Earlier this week, I was feeling a lot of anxiety about what might happen and just really stuck in this situation. It’s been hard realizing that I can’t fully rely on law enforcement, the FBI, or even the courts to have my back in all of this. I don’t think it’s because people in those roles are bad or intentionally ignoring the truth. It’s more that the system itself is so broken. For those without resources, connections, or a loud enough voice to be truly heard, finding justice can feel almost impossible.

My mom and sister both mentioned that I should maybe reach out to Rebecca Bender. She’s the one who started the human trafficking organization and created the course I took earlier this year.

Even with the support of others, I also realized that my ultimate hope and justice come from God alone. So a few days ago I decided it was finally time to bring my case before the Courts of Heaven, the only courts that truly matter. I humbled myself, repented, and came before the throne room of God, trusting Him to see what no one else could and to bring justice in His perfect way.

I went before the ultimate Judge and asked Him to open my book of life in Heaven. I asked Him to compare His records with Satan’s book of accusations. And I humbly pleaded my case, declaring before Him that the accusations coming against me are either lies or sins I’ve already repented of and been forgiven for.

For any accusations from Satan himself, I asked God to extend the royal law found in James 2:8: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Since being set free from my past, I’ve truly tried to live my life showing mercy to others. So I asked that, if God agreed, His mercy would triumph over Satan’s claims of judgment and remove any legal claim the enemy has tried to make against me.

I also interceded on behalf of each of my family members, and for a few others God placed on my heart. We are fully covered and protected by the blood of Jesus Christ, and the enemy no longer has any legal right to accuse or come against my family in any way.

How dare you come after children of God like this with a web of despicable lies. The Lord rebuke you, child of Satan! I will never allow my boys to be controlled by the kingdom of darkness. The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is backing me in this.

Who do you think you are? Do you really think you are more powerful than God? The God who created the universe? The only reason you are still breathing is because He is mercifully allowing it and still has purpose for your life. And I know you know that is true.

I’m not looking for an apology, all I want is for you to humble yourself before God and turn back to Him. Because the other option is to continue in your pride and eventually go to hell. Please choose wisely though, because I’m not ready to say goodbye forever.

I need you. Our family needs you. And more than anything, I believe God wants us to stand together to overthrow the queen of darkness. We cannot let her control and destroy the lives of men any longer. And if you don’t want to do it for me, then do it for the boys. They need you. This is about their future and the future for generations to come.

You can sometimes act like a monster, but I also know you have one of the biggest and most caring hearts and will do anything to protect the people you love. And you taught me to do the same.

My only prayer has been that God would do whatever it takes to expose the lies and bring you to a place of humility. I know that can make me seem like the villain or enemy in your story, but I hope one day you will understand that it’s because I love you so much and can’t bear seeing the enemy have any hold on you.

I need your help to raise up an army of mighty men — men who can fight in the Spirit, stand firm in truth, and help bring down the forces of darkness so that order can be restored to the land, just as God intended. As 1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

My heart’s desire is to find a man I can truly submit to, but I know I can only do that if he is fully submitted to Christ. Without that, I couldn’t trust his leadership, and I know God wouldn’t call me to.

I wore my sweatshirt with the hearts today, which reminded me of the post I wrote a few months ago: Which Heart Will You Choose?

Please seek help to let God deliver and heal you from the strongholds and trauma that have been passed down through your bloodline, as well as any caused by your own choices. Because we will only be successful if we do this God’s way and remain under His protection.

This is a bit random, but the past few days I’ve found myself singing Christmas songs, and Frosty the Snowman keeps popping into my head. Our oldest has also been singing Go Tell It on the Mountain. So if you happen to be reading this around that time, Merry Christmas!

Also, the name Anna has been standing out to me lately, though I’m not sure why. Would you seek the Lord about it and see if He shows you anything?

I’m not angry with you. I love you, and I forgave you a long time ago. But I can’t continue to enable sinful behavior. If we’re ever going to move forward, I need you to be upfront and honest with me. Right now, I honestly don’t know what’s true. I don’t know if anything you told me was real, or if the feelings you expressed were genuine, or if you were just manipulating me all along. I truly don’t know what to believe anymore.

I’m praying for you and your breakthrough, and trusting in God’s good plans for us all.

With love, Jeanie

P.S. Oh, and ladies — it’s time we start treating the men in our lives with respect and honor. Because my boys understand what real masculinity looks like and will lovingly put you in your place if needed.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” — Proverbs 3:5-6